As a former law enforcement officer and prison guard, I have been subjected to a number of injuries and beatings, all with little complaint. As a member of a prison’s tactical extraction team, I also had to tolerate the tools used to subdue violent inmates, being tested and used on me. Rubber bullets, shock shields, batons, pepper spray…the works. All with very little complaint.
But let me catch the sniffles and I turn into a big baby and this year I have been plagued with colds, coughs and a runny nose. After running out of Vick’s Nasal Spray, I became unbearable to live with. My wife, driven to the point of desperation by my incessant whining, got me to try COLD-EEZE Nasal spray.
Why the hell I would try this homeopathic crap totally escapes me now. Perhaps I have grown too fond of breathing. I started before I can even remember and I have allowed it to become an addiction that rules every moment of my life…Anyway, I tried the COLD-EEZE. I snorted a good blast up each nostril. It took a moment or two before it began to take effect. And that effect was amazing!
While I generally subscribe to the theory that medicines must either taste horrible or hurt in order to be effective, this was a whole new level.
If pain and discomfort is any indication of effectiveness, COLD-EEZE must be about one of the most effective things on the market today. My eyes immediately turned beet red and began to water copiously, my throat constricted and twin ropes of gelatinous snot began to ooze out of my nose. It was agonizing. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the bathroom counter and hung my head over the sink to avoid wearing the glop pouring out of my nose.
This stuff really rivals pepper spray and CS tear gas. I could not get rid of it fast enough. I must have gone through an entire Mega-Roll of Charmin toilet tissue trying to blow every molecule of the vile stuff out of my sinuses. My wife looked at me writhing around, tangled in toilet tissue, with an expression that was both highly concerned and on the verge of giggling hysterically.
I have no known allergies, but I instantly developed a psychological one to this stuff. So I can’t tell you if it works as the instructions stated I should “continue the treatment at least 6 times per day until 48 hours AFTER the symptoms subside”…and there was no way in hell I was gonna subject myself to that again.
The website for COLD-EEZE has a number of “Featured Stories” extolling the virtues of this fine homeopathic treatment. Somehow I doubt mine will ever be “Featured.”
Call me crazy, but in my opinion the cure should not be worse than the disease. I put this right up there with flogging yourself with stinging nettles for their medicinal benefits. If you care to try COLD-EEZE and it works for you...great! As for me, I’ll stick with the Vapor Rub thank you very much.
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